By Brian Hall
Monday 05 Sep 2011 15:44:00
Browse all Brian Hall articles




Aye, I know. The butt of many a joke, and most of them justified. Kids should avoid trees, too dangerous in case they climb on them. Use sponge footballs at school as a proper footy ball might damage them, dont make a snowball as that might hurt somebody, dont run too fast as you might bump into somebody, and definitely dont use the climbing frame unsupervised in case you fall off. At least, my 2 younger daughters find it all crazy, which is heartenting.  .


A brilliant Scottish band, way ahead of their time, produced a great song. The Proclaimer twins warned us all that we were in a land fit for zeros - dont smoke and dont eat red meat are part of their lyrics. I am sure that their words were not appreciated by the Health and Safety Executive. Now, I never like to hear of workplace accidents - we had enough of them up here hundred times over in our shipyards, steelworks, factories, and pits - but I had to laugh at one set of stats the other day. 50 or more workers were injured last year inside a site of a very big organisation. The Health and Safety Executive HQ! One female employee was on the toilet and was bruised by an unsafe toilet roller falling off the wall above her head.  Another bloke fell over a sign in the corridor, which stated....... CAUTION!!


This whole protective crap even came up in a major disussion on the Oil Crisis. No , the one facing the world, and being part of the current scramble gannin on in Libya and elswhere. No, this crisis surrounded the threat posed by oil that is used in cooking. One bunch surfaced the other day to issue grave warnings cook against takeaway curries and chinese counterparts. Crap oil in them, apparently  - thank god they missed out the local fish shops. But they did not stop there. They warned against oily food in general. Sorry, ask the Spanish or Italians, for example, and they might beg to differ. They would say it is good for you, and they are not far off the mark. As for crap oil, I am sure we can have an occasional takeaway still - it might just be alright for a canny night for a couple or a bunch of the lads. They would feel better, eh?  Healthy feeling, feeling better.


 Meanwhile another safety issue emerged involvint the banks. Dont worry, they are certainly safe , if not healthy. The Tories overruled their Lib Dem mates - surprise, surprise - and have ensured that any major changes to the banking system will be examined AFTER the next general election. So, safety for the banks. Bit unsure about the health bit for the punters, like.


When i then about an offer from the Kremlin, sorry, NUFC board to meet the fans, I immediately thought about health and safety. But they must have been advised wisely. It stated that they were willing to discuss the state of our footy club......via the Evening Chronicle website, and fans could put their questions there. Scare over, I thought. Can you imagine Mr Ashley and Mr Llambias meeting fans face to face - now that would need some serious Health and Safety stewardship.  


Finally, tomorrow night sees an event at the Red House in toon, a mix of North East music , writings, and readings. For my sins, I am one of the writers reading, if you know what I mean.. It should be safe though at least, as the organiser, Keith of Whitley Bay, is a canny big bloke, but as for health? Weh, canny bit beer and dodgy niblets.


Or , one last finally on  health and safety. A mate of mine is currently on an enterprise producing Magpie to sit on  ,and healthy too if you are taking in the sun  I have to admit that I asked him to produce just one, just one, that is unsafe. If he agrees, I intend to try and get it to Wor Mike Ashley, so that he can sit in it. A collapsing deckchair with him photographed on the floor would make a far better picture than the one which saw him in the Sunday People yesterday stripping off in a Chinese restaurant.          





ps             be careful out there. there is some sun - dangerous - rain - you could catch cole - and even some wind - you could be blown away. And definitely divvent gan near the chip shop - not only does it contain dodgy oil if you gan in, but there could be some kids hanging outside. The schools are not back till tomorra.                     Take care and look after your health. And Safety. 

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