FUNNY OLD GAME
By Brian Hall
Tuesday 30 Aug 2011 09:22:00
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Yesterday was a momentous occasion in our region's annual calendar. People have looked forward to it since the early summer. Vast amounts of cash were spent, and raucous scenes continued well into the night. Obviously, I am not talking about the Bank Holiday. I am talking, of course, about my birthday, and ok, NONE of the above applied to its arrival. For a start, middle age tends to lead to erratic behaviour on the annual remembrance service - some years, you go on a bender with as many mates as you can find, other years, you decide to dae nowt. I opted for the latter this year, apart from some pool around the corner and a night in with the bairns. Funny, poignant example, of Middle Age - you can get really maudling if you start thinking of the birthdays in a long distant past when you used to go berserk.

 

Anyway, strange and funny things did occur on my birthday. Early morning saw me at my lass's house, listening to Radio 4 - a briefy foray into TalkSport only to hear whinging Arse fans and boasting Scousers had immediately driven me there. I came across a very odd plot involving electricity pylons. All hell has broken loose over plans to build more of them right across our green and pleasant land, and it seems many people do not find them very pleasant.  However, the National Grid turned out to have an unlikely ally in their plans - the Pylon Appreciation Society. Their representative spoke of the beauty of pylons, and their artistic  impact on our eyes. My lass later told me that she had came across a bloke who travels the country taking photos of pylons. Suppose it takes all sorts, like. Funny old game.

 

Appreciation was not on the agenda of a mate of mine who had gone to his brother's past Morpeth for the weekend. He had rang me on my birthday, and it seemed his planned Bank Holiday Binge had not gone quite according to plan. His brother has stacked the fridge out with Guinness and grub. My mate could only keep opening it, looking at the contents with sadness and envy. A vicious tooth infection had just led him to those antibiotics that you simply cannot drink on. He felt ill, not because of the pain in his gob, but due to his consumption of Kaliber lager. Funny old game.

 

Appreciation was not on the Government's agenda either, after the failure of the tagging system on offfenders failed the other day. One bloke had found a way of getting past the taggers. They put one on his leg, and it failed. He simply put a big bandage on. It worked a treat as the tag was useless on his WOODEN leg. I suppose that it might not set a trend for other offenders though, as it would be a bit extreme chopping your leg off just so you can gan out with the lads after 7.00 at night. That really would be a funny old game.

 

One definitely funny game continues to rumble on. A new spinner has just been selected, not for the English cricket team, but for the Murdoch's New International Empire. Now, there are many hard jobs out there, but you have to feel a bit sorry for this bloke. Selling the Murdochs and their hacks as being a canny bunch of people, just seeking out the truth and trying to inform the public accurately, is a pretty difficult task.There must be more chance of Steve Bruce convincing people that he is an astute football manager. Weh, on second thoughts....

 

Something also emerged that some of the lasses will not find that funny. After much scientific research, it now turns out that cutting out chocolate has little implact on dieting. I would not have liked to be one of the lads living with their lass if she read that news, after spending a month without chocolate in her attempt to slim down a bit. Her mood would not have been good after a month of agony with nee chochie, and if I had been that bloke, I would have gone out the back door straight to the pub for a few hours. And brought her a big bar back as well.

 

Finally, there was one birthday card missing this year. Mam passed away a few months ago, and I chuckled when I thought of that missing card. She once sent me the best card I ever received. It said -               despite everything, I still love you.           !! What did she mean by that!!!!? I was not a mass murderer at the time, or since I should add. Funny old game.

 

..........tarah....

 

 

one year older, but not one year wiser. Despite experience confirming that the older you get, the less birthday cards you get, I still eagerly awaited a deluge through my front door. None came. I did get a text though expressing good wishes, and asked my lass who it was from. She eventually recognised the number - it was from me to me.



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