By Steve
Sunday 07 Aug 2011 12:03:00
Browse all Brian Hall articles




Advances in modern technology seem to have hit the news big style in recent weeks. Tweeting has engulfed football, for example, and inevitably, Newcastle United have featured highly on the agenda. Jose Enrique threw himself in, said it all accurately about the club, and was duly fined. Others joined in, not least Joey Barton - again, I could not disagree with any of his comments. And his so-called employers duly fined him. The football hierarchy want to ban aal this twittering. Maybe the Government might call for a general ban on it as well, so that nobody can slag them off.


Any such rule would have little impact on me, or rather it would have none at all .In my own tiny world, I am twitterless, simply due to the fact that I am a total buffoon, a technophobe, and often get accused of not moving with the times. It is true, for example that

I am one of those elements who never even worked out how to record anything on a video, which does give a canny clue to my lack of abilities. But at last I can feel a bit smug in my narrow world of Luddite approach to modern technology, as there is a negative side to all this so-called progress - it can hoy people right in the shit.


Take another technique. Hacking. The only hacking I was ever know involved in was getting smashed in midfield by some hatchet men many years ago. But look what is happening to the Murdoch family, that dedicated bunch in terms of commitment to real news information and of course to football - they are so devoted to both, obviously - but this modern technology stuff seems to have caused them bother. Hacking into phones, man. And then we get the computer hacker brigade causing chaos for Charlie down the road and the CIA.


Take another player on the scene. The mobile. Aye, it can be handy, I accept that. A mate in Byker contacted me the other day, telling me that he had caught a bug, and needed a couple of jobs done on Shields Road. No problem, and I bought him some soup on the way back. His important call came 48 hours later, to confirm that he was on the mend, had had 4 cans of guinness, and was farting much better. But we all know that mobiles can provoke major problems as well. I use mine to, weh, telephone, and a lad from the Felling taught me some years ago to text. That led to a few disasters, as texts ended up in the wrong places. Worse, the mobile was bad news, as it meant people could always find you - and if you had it off, so to speak, then questions were asked. And of course, the lost mobile syndrome means you lose a load of contacts - one of mine remains in Ghent after a United away game to this day. 


The jargon behind a lot of this stuff can be a bit irritating too. Along came that blackberry thing - people ower the moon with their blackberry. The only one I ever knew was the blackberry you picked as a kid in Blackberry Week. Yet people kept telling me to get one, failing to recognise that I did not want one, and if I got one, would fail to recognise one anyway, and would probably blow the thing up by accident within a week.



Another advance came along. Facebook. I can see the advantages there too, but there are again negatives . Virtual friends, people pretending they are people, and of course, half the characters dont know what they are doing, and it can also lead to rises in blood pressure. One of my recent ventures on that site led to the rise in blood pressure, as a character slagged me off for not being a proper Mag, and told me just to get behind the team. My response was Anglo-Saxon, very brief, and it seems a virtual friendship is definitely lost.I graciously ignored his counter-reply - I have dignity, and he did look a canny menacing bloke if his photo was really him. I assume am not hoyed off the F......g Book, like my mate Dekka, who usually got suspended from it  after about an hour of being on the bloody thing.







Some of the latest gadgets can cause tensions in all kinds of places. Try sitting with somebody, and they are constantly farting  about with their latest technological toy or get yourself forced to listen to somebody on a bus saying that they have passed a bus stop, and the next one is coming up soon. And, even more important, for those of us who play sport, having a game of pool against a younger lad who is communicating with Mars or Saturn after every shot, which results in you standing around for 5 minutes waiting until he is ready to play his next shot. Neil, one of the lads, reacted firmly on one recent occasion, telling a young lad that if he wanted to play with his gear all night, stop playing, and communicate with Mars or Saturn somewhere else. Hear, Hear, i thought



No . There is some advantage to being a buffoon in this tech world.   Must dash, as I just  got a tweet..............from my pigeon cree. That has reminded me to send  one of my birds ower to Gateshead with an urgent message.




ps   quote from Brian Clough      " FOOTBALL HOOLIGANS? well there are the 92 club chairmen for a start".    I can identify with Brian on two fronts there. One such chairman, if that is his title , is in our toon. And I can also identify with Brian's style. I doubt whether he would have used the latest modern gadget, or even bothered to learn - he enjoyed face to face stuff.





pps just learnt that Wor Lass has a twitter account, never uses it, does not know what she is doing, but is pleased to say she has one follower. Obviously, not me..........but i am consoling myself with this news. I have only one follower on this blog. Mr Wraith of PlayersInc!! Or at least he claims he follows it, and I am determined to believe him.         Bry............................................. July

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