TOTTENHAM HOTSPUR (A) 28th December 2010 kick off 3pm
By Simon Mowgli Fettes
Friday 31 Dec 2010 09:10:00
Browse all Simon Mowgli Fettes articles

The day started with a trip to the Grovenor casino at around 5.45am to have a wee flutter on roulette just prior to our bus turning up. We pinned all our hopes on black, but lo and behold – it came in red! Our short trip to the casino ended abruptly and we walked out disappointed, but not too disheartened with a full day ahead. 

The bus arrived right on cue and as always there was the hustle and bustle to get on first. We parked our arses towards the back, but the only bog on the bus happened to be there, which soon became a pain in the arse as the numbers wanting to use it increased throughout the journey. Nevertheless the usual refreshments accompanied us and we even had the extra addition of the Xmas leftovers, which certainly went down a treat.

We got to a Weatherspoons on the outskirts of London at around 11.30am. It was a canny boozer and some opted to get some bait. The bar staff were all female and seemed to quite enjoy our company as we brought some life to the place. The songs started and everyone was in high spirits. I got a new state of the art camera for Xmas and that was making its away day debut. I self-appointed myself as the away day photographer for this particular game with our usual ‘happy snapping’, Davey Ball taking a backseat. 

I merrily asked one of the females behind the bar if I could have a “kiss for the camera.” She was a tad reluctant at first, but she did eventually come round and plant a sloppy old kiss on the cheek to lift me out the relegation zone of the man points league! 

Scotty ‘Grease Ball’ then orchestrated Geordie Allowetta, but had several false starts before he got into his stride. He had hurdles to overcome in the shape of getting told in no uncertain terms by my new ‘female friend’ to get down from his seat and then got mixed up with the lyrics. He just about limped over the finish line, but I felt as though it wasn’t worthy of a photo finish so the camera stayed firmly in the pocket. 

We left the bar at 1.30pm and hopped back on the bus to take us directly to White Hart Lane. Those plans were soon scuppered 20 minutes into the journey as the bus tyre burst en route. The only way we’d now get to the game would be if we made our own way there. Some managed to flag taxis down, but most of us opted to head for the nearest train station 10 minutes down the road. 

The station was named ‘Turkey Street’ to our amusement with the next train being due at 2.15pm. We were informed it was a half an hour ride and then a further 5 minutes on foot. This seemed to be the Ultimate Roller Coaster, so the one at Lightwater Valley was playing second fiddle for the day. It was made more pleasurable with the addition of cans from the corner shop, deciding on the free ride option and getting to the ground in the nick of time for kick-off. 

I was located in the upper tier; it was a decent enough view with potential for an atmosphere. That never materialised as our all too familiar songbook was repetitive, tedious and lacked creativity. The heavy-handed and Hilter-esque stewarding that’s all too common at Spurs was once again visible. Their beefy bouncers waded in and tried to get the first few rows to sit; but that was soon counteracted by the fans defiance and chanting of “Stand up if you love the Toon”, “Shove your health and safety up your arse” and “We’ll never sit down, shove your seats up your arse.”

As far as the football was concerned, we seemed to hold our own in the first half. We were solid with Perch unusually filling in at left back and even more surprisingly, putting in a decent enough shift. Tiote was busy in the middle of the park, but was wasteful with our best opportunity as he struck a tame effort straight at Gomez. We nearly conceded with the last chance of the half, but Krul pulled off a wonder save to divert Pavlyuchenko’s headed attempt onto the post, before it trickled along the line and hit the opposite post. 

A lucky escape so we grateful to go into the break all square. Tottenham came out the second half all guns blazing. They were fired up and Lennon broke the deadlock with a well taken solo effort with the help of a deflection. We offered very little from an attacking perspective, but our cause was aided when they were reduced to 10 men as Kabul got his marching orders. Lovernkrands was then added to hopefully give us some impetus, but he was ineffective and had the first touch of a rapist when he was put clean through. Within 10 seconds of him highlighting his shitness, Tottenham went up the other end and extended their lead. 2-0 and no way back! Game Over!! 

Our thoughts then turned to how we’d get back. Word got round that the bus was now sorted and waiting for us outside the stadium. It was duly waiting there, although it seemed like a mission in itself to find it from the away end. 

We all got back on the bus safely and enjoyed the road trip home by eradicating all thoughts of the match from our heads. We took the piss out of each other, told a few stories and sang a few songs. I think my singing prowess got me to the final of the mini X Factor tournament that took place. Unfortunately, I was pipped to the crown by Jamie Robinson.

We arrived back in Toon at around 11pm. Most went home, but I decided I would stop out with a few others. I intended to hit Koo’s, but the queue was ridiculous so that was soon knocked on its head. I met up with some other lads that hadn’t been to the game, but they were fighting fit in comparison and far fresher so I was a bit out of place. I therefore rejoined with the diminishing match squad in Bar Beyond, which was now down to 6 members including myself. We downed drinks to bring us back to life and I think we achieved that admirably.

I called it a night at around 2.00am and stupidly decided I would walk home. I made a few drunken facebook updates to pass the time and got about halfway there before my sister picked me up in her taxi! The day had come to an end, and although it wasn’t euphoric in a football sense, it certainly was the epitome of a football away day! Bring on the next one!!

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