By Brian Hall
Wednesday 16 Nov 2011 09:09:00
Browse all Brian Hall articles

 Proclamation from His Majesty. King Charles the Second or Mike Ashley the First

This proclamation states that,

it is most apparent that the multitude of gatherings of many citizens at St James Park and other parts of the  NUFC Kingdom have been allowed  at  the discretion of His Majesty to debateth matters of the Domain. But now the great resort of idle and disaffected persons amongst them, has produced very evil and dangerous effects; many tradesmen, artisans, peasants, as well as those forenamed idle and disaffected  do herein misspend much of their time, which  should be employed in and about their Lawful Calling and Affairs; such false, malicious, and scandalous reports are clearly devised and spreading abroad to the Defamation of His Majesty's Government, and provoking disturbance of the Peace and Quiet of the Realm; his Majesty hath now decreed that it is both fit and necessary, that the said  gatherings be (for the Future) be put down and suppressed...” The King has decreed that, whilst he cannot forbid closing of  all gatherings of discontent across His Kingdom, he can close down the name of the foremost gathering House  which provoketh such discontent. From this day, St James Park will existeth no more, will carry the name of His Majesty's Kingdom until it is seen fit to give that place another name to suit the purposes of the Crown. Any disturbances inside will lead to immediate withdrawal of entrance passes.



But then, a remarkable thing occurred in this part of the Realm, so intense had been the feeling aroused, that it came to pass that The King in his Home Counties Palace near London had to rethink Already,. Men of all parties were crying  out against being deprived of the name of their major haunt. Signs quickly emerged that the Proclamation was provoking more discontent and possible convulsions. 


King Ashley  heeded the warning, and after consultation with His Treasury Adviser, Prince Del of Llambias,  another proclamation was issued by which the first proclamation was recalled. In order to save His Majesty's face, he solemnly recited that the Gathering Name would be allowed to return, as he had listened to his people, and his infinite and never-ending wisdom and benevelence, he felt it both just and right and the name St James’ Park, would be restored.   No further attempt at molestation of the populace was ever attempted.




Dont panic. These two writers have not finally lost their marbles, have simply produced a joint blog, related to two occurrences. One, being,  the Proclamation recently issued about the change of name to their football ground. The other, upon which the first is based, is a true  Proclamation from the 17th century, issued by Charles the Second . He tried to change the name of coffee houses - or actually, shut them down - but in the face of objections across the Bigg Market in Newcastle and across England, he was forced to back down.  They liked their coffee houses, and the names of them!!!!


1675 On December 23, 1675, Charles II of England, issued a proclamation suppressing Coffee Houses. Too many people were gathering to have a bit crack about his unpopular policies. The public response was so negative that he revoked it on January 8, 1676.



Tarah. Keep the faith. And the long may the fightback against the Cockney Royal Proclamation continue. To keep open the St James Park Coffee House.

Tarah. Brian, in consultation with a mate, Neil Thompson.

ps        normal service will be resumed as soon as possible. In blog terms, and in the name of our football ground

To rate this article select the number of stars you think perfectly rates this article.
Current overall rating after 0 votes: 0.00
Are You A Potential FansOnline Site Manager?
If you would like to run a site for a team not already featured on FansOnline, please get in touch and we will be happy to create the site for you.

Click here to contact us if you have what it takes to become a fansonline site manager

Advertise On
Showcase your products and services to our members at some of the best rates in the industry.

With various advertising opportunities and placements why not get in touch to discuss your requirements today?

Click here to contact us to discuss your advertising needs.

Fansonline Home | About Fansonline | Contact Fansonline | Privacy Policy | TOS

Copyright © 2008 to 2020 Ltd Ltd
Brentnall Center
Gilkes Street