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Crouch Gets Euro 2012 Backing

    Sky Sports football pundit Matthew Le Tissier has backed Peter Crouch to do a job for Engl;and in the 2012 Euro Championships this summer. Crouch, who has been out of favour of late, his last appearance for the national side being in November 2010, scored on Saturday for Stoke in their 1-1 draw with Arsenal, prompting Le Tissier to say: "I would ....

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Fifa Demand To Have Some Booze

  Seemingly unperturbed by Qatar’s illegalisation of homosexuality and support of executing people on the basis of their sexuality, FIFA have finally taken a moral stand against a country’s out-dated ways. After securing re-election as President of football’s whiter-than-white global governing body due to his tough stance on corruption, Sepp Blatter’s FIFA are ....

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Capello: Why Stealing Children Is Wrong

  For some politically correct reason, Fabio Capello is taking umbrage with the wealthy stealing foreign children, an act that UEFA have told him they will take action against “in the future”, probably. Speaking at a football conference in Dubai, one of the few types of conference that I would like to go to in my holidays, the Italian England manager told delegates that ....

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What The Euro 2012 Draw Means For England

Having watched various blonde women and blond men spin, dance, hop and spin further still round a well illuminated stage in Kiev, the draw for Euro 2012 started. Well, it did after the Ukrainian President overran his allocated time for his FIFA-approved speech. Viewers were treated to a slideshow of the venues accompanied by jittery string music, a woman participated in a performance akin to ....

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Harry Positions Warnock As His Stalking Horse

You can tell Harry Redknapp really wants the England job. And I mean REALLY wants the England job. Just to come out and say “I want the England job” is not Harry’s style, especially when the stage is so perfectly set for him. No, having been overlooked before, the Spurs boss is now playing a much more political game. And he’s already lined up his stalking horse. In ....

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Ghostwriter Endangers Walcott’s Life

If the revelations inside Theo Walcott’s ‘autobiography’ are an accurate recording of what the Arsenal and England star told his ghostwriter, then the 22-year-old may not live to see any sort of age for which an autobiography may actually seem acceptable. Alongside the usual dross about the roller-coaster life of a footballer, ‘Theo: Growing up fast’ contains a few ....

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Fifa: A Jeremy Kyle Special

As members of football’s governing body, Fifa prepare to elect their next president this week, they are faced with two options: a man under investigation by his own ethics committee and facing charges for failing to report corruption; and a man who will appear at the same hearing, facing charges of bribery. And both men are fighting for election on the grounds of stamping out corruption in ....

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Redknapp Reserves His Seat On The Managerial Merry-go-round

Roll up! Roll up! The ride is about to start! But let’s be honest, when it stops, the next ride will start up again pretty sharpish, and if Harry Redknapp isn’t on this one, he’ll certainly be on the next.   The managerial merry-go-round is probably the only rotating man-made construct to have effectively harnessed the much sought after power of perpetual motion, needing ....

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No Rest For The Wilshere?

According to Isaiah 57:21 “there is no peace for the wicked.” But according to a much higher source, Arsene Wenger, a young footballer needs four to six weeks off in the summer, thus presenting England with a tricky decision. Does Jack Wilshere play in the European Under-21 Championships at the start of the summer or the senior team qualifiers at the end? Because words from wise ....

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Suspected Brake Damage On The Redknapp Bandwagon

Harry Redknapp, the next England manager (as we will refer to him from now on) is not only the odds on favourite to replace Fabio Capello, but almost the only real contender at the moment, so much so that the question is more when than if he takes over. And it seems that you don’t even need to be his nephew to think that. For anyone with a memory that goes back more than three years and ....

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Mbe For Gay Footballer Contrasts Well With Sky Sexism

For the last 20 years, Richard Keys and Andy Gray have been commentating on football and the relative merits of the female of the species for Sky Sports. Over the same time period, Aslie Pitter has been representing Stonewall FC, the first and still the best gay men’s team in the country. And one of these three individuals is about to collect his MBE. The good news for me and you, though ....

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Anatra Zoppa – The Italian For ‘lame Duck’

He may have a contract that runs for another year yet, but it seems the England manager is the last to know about matters involving the management of the England football team. Bless. The Italian’s £6m a year wages will take him no further than Euro 2012, and while the FA make preparations for his replacement and for a young coach to work alongside him for the experience, it seems ....

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The British Home Championship: England Consider Entering A Competition We Might Actually Win

Do you want the good news first or the bad news first? Well, whichever way you look at it, the possibility of England joining The British Home Championship in 2013 creates the greater potential that we might actually win a trophy in our lifetimes. Or we still might not, which doesn’t really bear thinking about.   The inaugural biennial Carling Nations Cup, aka the Celtic Cup, starts ....

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Blatter Lines Up Mates To Form Independent Anti-corruption Body

Fancy a good laugh? OK, here goes: Sepp Blatter is planning to set up an independent committee to oversee Fifa corruption. No, seriously. I mean it. Seriously. He is. But there’s a catch, of course. You didn’t think it would be that simple, did you?   The Fifa president is so serious about putting an end to corruption that he is going to personally see to it that only the ....

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Fa Appoint Middle-class White Man As Chairman

In seeking to bring football into a new, more diverse era, the Football Association have taken the sensible step of appointing a middle-class white man to be their chairman. David Bernstein is also able-bodied and suspected to be heterosexual, further enhancing his all-round credentials for the top job.    The 67-year-old Bernstein was a surprise candidate as 67-year-old ....

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An Apology For Letting England Down

As administrator of, the highly influential dictator of international sporting opinion, I, Rob Casey, take full responsibility for the failure of England’s 2018 World Cup bid. Sorry England; I have let you down.   Rather than wasting my time by blaming the corruption of Fifa, it is perfectly clear that it was the media that ruined it for the whole country, and ....

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Oh, Those Russians…

After being lectured by Sepp Blatter about knowing why it’s important to “learn to lose”, England faces a certain amount of navel gazing after losing the 2018 World Cup bid to Russia. Fifa announced that Russia and Qatar would host football’s showpiece event in 2018 and 2022, as part of its commitment to spreading the game across the world.   England’s strong ....

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Has Panorama Helped Or Hindered England’s World Cup Bid?

The late cephalopod Paul the Octopus predicted it, and the Prime Minister’s butler Nick Clegg described it as “unbeatable”, but the success of England’s World Cup bid has been thrown into doubt after Andrew Jennings’ damning report on Fifa corruption for BBC’s Panorama programme, aired on Monday 29 November, just three days before football’s governing ....

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England’s Bid Chances 0-0 English Media’s Journalistic Integrity

After a shaky season so far England’s Bid Chances, who are set to be liquidated next month, have suffered a humiliating setback after a controversial stalemate with English Media’s Journalistic Integrity. The tussle with The Sunday Times is bound to have knocked England’s chances ahead of another crucial encounter soon against BBC’s Panorama, which could well end in ....

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The 2018 Cold War Gets Frostier

  Fifa won’t really care who started the war of words between England and Russia, because this week both nations’ representatives have been very naughty boys. As the race to host the 2018 World Cup heats up, the two favourites now find themselves in something of a Cold War situation, piling further animosity on top of already harsh words, like two sets of playground ....

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Fa Set To Start The Managerial Handover

The Football Association’s Director of Football Development, Sir Trevor Brooking, has confirmed that the FA are looking to appoint a new “English” coach to work alongside Fabio Capello and across all levels from the seniors downwards. But though he won’t be a potential replacement for the Italian, he will bridge the gap between Capello and his successor. The appointment ....

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Interview Process Underway For Next England Manager

They say that football’s a marathon, not a sprint, but marathons are only meant to last a matter of hours. The race to become the next England manager, however, could take as long as two years, though that hasn’t stopped key candidates already declaring their interest, in full knowledge that a certain lame duck could be shot way before then if results start to ....

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Some Special Words For Mr Unpopular

The world’s most arrogant man is not a fan of Fabio Capello it seems. Having slagged off both Rafael Benitez and Arsene Wenger already this week, everyone’s favourite know-it-all Jose “special one” Mourinho has told reporters that the Italian cannot get the most out of his players, who need to feel as “special” as the Portguese clearly regards ....

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Have The Fa Weakened Capello’s Position By Arranging For His Successor Already?

Though the FA haven’t sacked Fabio Capello, recent talk about the end of the Italian’s contract and their intentions for his replacement are little short of sending people in to measure the curtains in his office, while saying to him “Don’t mind us. You carry on.”   Adrian Bevington, the recently appointed managing director of Club England, has confirmed that ....

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Thanks For The Offer Fabio But, Erm, I’m Washing My Hair

As Lady Bracknell told Mr Worthing in the first draft of Oscar Wilde’s The Importance of Being Earnest, “to lose one England player may be regarded as a misfortune. To lose two looks like carelessness.” And so it is with Don Fabio, who has ditched thirteen of his World Cup squad, only to be told that two of those he brought back in want out again.   Yes, it’s a tad ....

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